sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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