would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
