I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
