so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
