I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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