some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
