you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We had to coat check the pizza.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
