at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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