I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
