I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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