We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
