She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
