Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
