i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Randomize
