he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Shame - the story of my life.
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