An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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