all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
