And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
