My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
