I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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