Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
