I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
