Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
