i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
