You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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