I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
