Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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