we have pet lesbian snakes
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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