I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
