im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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