In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
