they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
