is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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