I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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