There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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