dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
