Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
