I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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