I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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