omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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