so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
