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It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
