Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
COCAINE IS GR8
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
