You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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