were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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