i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
