Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
