why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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