cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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