You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
