I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
