I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
