She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
