Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
