Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
