So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
