if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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