I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
