yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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