I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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