This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
