My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
