You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
