I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
