ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
