captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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