two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize