Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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