i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
