epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
