hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
where am i from again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
