Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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