Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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