I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
