Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
