you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
