did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
