um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
