I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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