Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
